You burned my heart with a flickering torch
halloween is truly the most evil of all holidays. Not because of the scary movies and costumes and general spooky vibe. No, the evil is because of the candy. those devilish little miniature candies, snack-sized, fun packed and individually wrapped for your convenience. Candy everywhere, so easy to eat, so hard to resist. who can say no to a teeny pack of m&m’s? Or a mini-peanut butter cup? or a tiny little packages of skittles? or a tube of smarties? What’s the harm? It’s just an itty bitty baby package. So cute. It can’t hurt.
But before you know it, you’re surrounded by hundreds of little wrappers crinkling at you, taunting you and all your fatty fatness.
There is seriously so much candy in my house, in my car, in my office, even at the gym…it’s haunting me and I am weak, so very weak.
and fat, so very fat.
god damn halloween. I fucking hate you.
no no, I’m sorry my sweet. I didn’t mean it. I get scared sometimes, that’s all. i still love you. come here. let me lay you down by the fire. We make beautiful love together. Put your halloween seed in me, let me have your candy babies. Then later, we’ll eat them together, as we make more beautiful candy babies to eat.
It’s not often that something I read makes me laugh out loud – that last paragraph did the trick. Good work, cjm.
You’re so messed up. You lucky, lucky candy bearing lady.
did you all pick up on the subject line? it’s a line from the song “candy” by iggy pop, in which iggy tells candy how much he loves her and candy tells him how much she loves him. I suppose iggy is talking about a girl named candy, but really I bet he’s talking about actual candy.
“Candy Candy Candy I can’t let you go All my life you’re haunting me I loved you so Candy I can’t let you go Life is crazy Candy baby”