going to the movies
I hardly EVER see movies out in public anymore. I’m trying to remember the last movie I saw in the theaters. Hmmm. It was Van Wilder Deux: The Rise of Taj. No wait, it was Material Girls. No no, it was TMNT.
I kid you. After a bit of research, I realize that the last movie I saw at the movie theater was The Da Vinci Code. Seriously.
There were tons of other movies that came out that I wanted to see, most notably Norbit and Are We Done Yet?, but I didn’t see any of them. I have a child, and while I suppose I could find a babysitter, it seems like a big waste of everything. I’m a bit of a homebody, wide open spaces make me jittery. And besides, I really really really REALLY hate people. They’re loud and obnoxious and smelly and did I mention obnoxious? They have to talk and rattle their candy bags and chomp on their popcorn like they’ve never eaten food before in their entire life. They bring their cell phones and USE THEM DURING THE MOVIE and laugh at the wrong parts and are all so stupid that I wonder how they managed to get to the theater in the first place. People ruin everything. So even a movie like 300, in which the trailers practically had me creaming my pants, I stayed at home.
Well, Saturday night found me and the missus sans demon, so I decided that we should go see a movie. It was the big pirates of the caribbean opening, so it felt like a good time to see a movie I’ve been practically creaming my pants to see–28 Weeks Later. Sure, it didn’t have the delicious cillian murphy, but it did have zombies (well, I guess technically they aren’t zombies, but for all intents and purposes, they are), and you know me and my zombies. I assumed, and correctly so, that the theater would be relatively empty, as most numbskulls were off watching Pirates, Spiderman, or Shrek. Public outings are never completely free of annoying humans, but it was alright. You can’t live where I live and not have at least one couple in the audience that you wish would just die already.
Anyway, like I said in my last post, which I posted as we left the theather…WHOA. What a freaking movie. From the opening moments till the last, it was rage-crazy. Very bloody and violent, very intense, very scary, very OMG I CAN’T WATCH OMG ENGLISH PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID, OMG THE AMERICAN MILITARY SUCKS, OMG I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, OMG GORDON IF YOU EVER LEFT ME TO DIE LIKE THAT I WOULD COME BACK AND HAUNT THE FUCK OUT OF YOU. Very VERY, ya know?
I loved it. I was breathing hard the entire film, on the edge of my seat, ready to bolt out the door at every second because it was so furious. I was able to go to sleep okay, but I had dreams about it all night long.
It’s Monday, a whole day has passed, and I’m much calmer now. I realize though that I’ve got to reevaluate my zombie survival plans to include provisions for the rage-infected. They are altogether a different ball of yarn than your garden-variety zombie.
CJM highly recommends 28 Weeks Later, especially if you like lots of fast-paced, sock you in the stomach violence and rage-fueled zombie crazies. Also, there is a ridiculously pretty English girl, the black guy from Lost, the nut from trainspotting, awesome shots of a deserted and ravaged London, American military heroes/blowhards, lots of screaming, cool music, and some spooky night-vision goggles. You can’t go wrong.
So many questions:
1) You & the missus? Is that your emasculating nickname for your babydaddy?
2) Norbit & Are We Done Yet? You’re kidding, yeah? Funny!
3) How have you not read World War Z yet? I know you’re probably waiting until the first confirmed outbreaks, but trust me, by then, sister, it will be too late. You won’t be able to BORROW a copy for anything less than 30 blowjobs (in a post-zombie economy, blowjobs replace the U.S. Dollar).
1. Yes, that is my emasculating nickname for my babydaddy. It’s so cute on your site, that I had to use it for myself.
2. I can’t believe I even have to tell you that Norbit and Are We Done Yet? were jokes. Come on. You know me better than that.
3. As I told you in a private response the last time you mentioned World War Z was that I read it awhile ago, where it quickly jumped into the top tier of MY FAVORITE BOOKS OF ALL TIME list and that you should read his zombie survival guide, because it’s really invaluable. And come post-zombie economy, I’m gonna be the richest mo-fo on the planet. I’ve got the skillz to pay the billz.
D’oh! That’s right, my apologies for forgetting that you had already read WWZ. Tell you what, once the Walking Plague takes over, I’ll repay my forgetfulness with 10 BJs.
wait, you’re going to repay your forgetfulness with 10 BJs to me? By me? For me?
Let’s get this ironed out now, because I don’t want to be arguing about stupid shit when the zombie shit hits the fan.
I was gonna GIVE you 10. I assume you have some sort of surrogate penis?