It’s a merry go round
I was in a real low place the other night but I’m slightly better tonight. still angry and still sad and still confused but more stable.
This is how it goes though, right? You’re up then down. You have all the attention and then you have none. You have sexy sex times and then you have baggy clothes on the couch watching bob’s burgers times. It’s all in rotation.
Not sure where I’m currently at in the cycle. Kinda horny. Kinda lonely. Kinda bored. Kinda annoyed. Kinda tired. Kinda kind of.
I’ve grown really close to a colleague the past six months. She’s much younger than me, but we have really connected. She’s kind of like the daughter I never had and I’m the mother she always wanted. She’s helped me through some shit and I’ve helped her and she brings a new youthful perspective to my ridiculous life. We are on different journeys in very different phases of our lives but some things in a woman’s life are eternal.
The boys go to MA next week. Normally this is my favorite time of year. Freedom! Quiet! The whole apartment to myself! no one asking what’s for dinner. I’m cleaning up after me and only me. All the smells will be my own. But I’m feeling a little anxious about it. I don’t want them gone. They’re my little crew and having them around is my stable ground. Without them I’m afraid I’m going to float up and away into oblivion.
I love living in Colorado. It’s expensive as fuck but it’s gorgeous. Even pics with my old crappy phone from boring old parking lots seem majestic to me.
I swear one day I’ll sleep normal. One day. When i am dead.
(Psychos by Jenny Lewis has been the theme song of my life the past 15 months or so.)