for the love of ry
it’s kind of cool to know that I will never love another boy so wholly and completely as I love my little guy. doesn’t matter what happens with me or G, doesn’t matter who I’ve loved in the past or who I’ll love in the future. No one compares, no one even comes close. Just being near him is overwhelming sometimes, how intense that love can be. He’s just so perfect and a reminder of why we’re here in the first place.
I love how he looks at me, the way he smells, how he runs, his chubby little hands in mine, when he scoots up real close to my face and whispers, his pokey messy way of eating, how he cuddles with his stuffed animals, his belly button, his curiousity of everything around him, his fearlessness in situations when us adults would be terrified, how he’s scared of colorful little toys that move on their own, his desire to please us, his laughter, the way he claps when he hears other people clapping and laughing, his round fat feet with sausage toes, how he feels like my little tiny baby still, even though he’s half my size. I love his cry and his moans and his tantrums, his defiant attitude, his persistence and stubborness. I love that I can’t even go to the bathroom without him trailing behind me.
I can’t remember what he was like as a baby, I’m so wrapped up in the here and now and experiencing him as he is today. And pretty soon I won’t remember what he was like as a toddler, and then as a preschooler, and so on. That’s how it goes. You live one day to the next and that’s how it should be, you know? I live too much in the past, rely too heavily on memories. But with Ry, I don’t have time to dwell, I can only be in the moment with him, enjoying every second, even the seemingly mundane and simple ones, like changing a diaper or putting on shoes, enjoying them without even realizing it. When he rests his head on my shoulder and pats my arm, I’ll want to freeze-frame it, thinking, “I want to remember this second forever.” But I know I won’t. And that’s okay. It’s okay to let go, it’s okay to enjoy the present and then not remember it.
He’s my little contribution to this universe, my lasting gift, and I feel pretty lucky to be around him. Two years ago, when I saw those two lines on that stick, I was terrified and confused. Talk about surprises. Talk about the unexpected. Talk about completely unprepared in every way. Not for a second did I imagine I could handle this parenthood thing and not for a second did I imagine it would be so affirming and joyous, even the hard parts. Not for a second did I imagine I could actually be GOOD at it.
so with this knowledge, loafe, I can admit to you that yesterday, when I saw just one little pink line, right next to my immeasurable relief, I also felt disappointment. Do I believe everything happens for a reason? Maybe a little, in my more naive and weaker moments, but mostly I believe that things happen just because they do, and sometimes they turn out great and sometimes they don’t. And I also believe that quite often our greatest glories come when we aren’t looking for it.
but lordy, I’ve never been so happy to get my period.
You can take this as a warning or choose to ignore my advice, but if you keep fucking the reprobate, sooner or later his devious man juice is going to get past the fortress around your womb. If you get that desperate for a second baby, let me know & I will mail you a #10 envelope full of my seed that you can either wring out over your dirty parts, or wad into a ball and stuff inside you until the magic happens.
okay… starting NOW.
ha ha.
but christa loves me! you know it in your heart don’t you?
go on have a peek.
(no, a longer peek than that.)
saying that, she won’t send me anything x-rated either…
Jonathan you are the man!!!
Also Christa– My mother must have been the same way thats why she had 6 kids. And all my sisters babies and my brother’s all spent some time under her toof.
Better send the envelope next day air..Those little swimmers can live about a day if the seed goop doesnt dry up.
ick.
Double ick.
I thought that you were taking the little friendly pill!!! You better start!
God yes, birth control….Why didnt I think of that!!!
I almost forgot…. little pills, condoms.. no need to stick a hot poker up there like the 19th century!!!
Jesus! Hot pokers, DG? They did that in the 19th century???
That’s nothing compared to what was recommended (albeit for a different issue) earlier in the 20th century.
I’m so glad to live in the era of Summers Eve Feminine wash.
Tiffany long ago they used a hot poker for everything, vampire bites, bullet wounds, arrow wounds
they even tryed hot pokers to turn savages into christians, and black people into white.
Yup the rod hot poker was a panecea for health, mental and religious concerns. I wonder what would be worse, a douche with Lysol or a hot poker?
Wow. I had no idea. It seems so strange to think that this is just how it was. WEIRD!
ALERT ALERT ALERT!!!!!!
Before you guys go ahead with the Jonathan insemination plan I just had a CRAZY thought(GO figure!!)
If Christa is inseminated by Jonathans seed, shell will produce an even more splendid and wonderful
child as it would be a combination of Christa’s and Jonathans genetics. If that child is conceived
it would be birthed and immediately attempt to be in charge, it would assert its superior matrix and take over the entire situation. It would demand more time in feeding and care and take over all available resources. As it entered the competitive phase with Ryland in school and jobs and mothers attention it would draw on superior internal resources to displace Ryland in Christa’s hierarchy.
BE WARNED !!!!!!!!