Beware of enterprises that require new clothes.
Ryland will be 46 weeks old on Thursday. That seems so crazy. 46 weeks!! That’s almost 52 weeks! And I don’t know about other countries, but here in America, 52 weeks = 1 year. I will have a one-year-old son soon. A toddler! A living, breathing toddler, all my very own. holy crow.
My friend Gina’s son will be one in a few weeks.
OUR BABIES ARE GETTING SO OLD.
Hey, speaking of old, I myself will be one step closer to sweet sweet death. Yes, it’s true. I will be having another birthday. Those fuckers just keep coming, no matter what I do. I have no idea how old I’m going to be this year. Going backward and forward has really messed me up. Let’s just say I’ll be 25. Yeah. That feels about right. I am going to be 25 years old on July 18th.
And my sister has a birthday and my friend Tiffany and Henry David Thoreau’s birthday is this month and so is my friend’s mother and it seems like a lot of people had July births. It’s a pretty good month, I gotta say. Hot as a mother scratcher, but still good.
Here are some things: I am a tiger, I am a cancer, I am a water sign, I am ruled by the moon and I am a pisces rising.
here is some other things: the soft bulletin by the flaming lips and exile in guyville by liz phair are two of the greatest albums ever made in the history of the universe; I am very scared for this world and I’m very scared for me, here’s a scene you’re in the backseat laying down the windows wrap around to the sound of the travel and the engine, and all you hear is time stand still in travel you feel such peace and absolute the stillness still that doesn’t end but slowly drifts into sleep the stars are the greatest thing you’ve ever seen and they’re there for you, for you alone you are the everything.
okay that last part was me saying I am very scared for this world and what’s happening and all the crazy, messed up shit that goes on and then I got stuck in REM lyrics, which really isn’t such a bad place to be, especially the lyrics for You Are the Everything, because that is one damn good song and it makes me think of when we’d go on vacation as a kid, and we’d be driving at night, headed for wherever, and everyone else would be sleeping (except for my dad, cause he was driving) and I’d be laying down in the back looking out the back window and it was exactly like that song, listening to the sound of travel and the engine and you are sleepy and hypnotized and you feel like everything exists just for you.
What a rambling jumbly mess this entry is, but really I’m too tired to even care.
TOMORROW IS TIFFANY’S BIRTHDAY!
If I were a rich woman I’d give her a pony. And some salt licks. Cause horses like those things.
Maybe you need a new baby!??
I need to get a copy of ‘exile’ from you. illegal style, please.
August b-days are where it’s at, Yo! come Aug 2nd, i’ll be turning 33, so dont cry me no tears bout gettin old. Sun in Leo, Moon in Leo and Taurus rising, which makes me one badass, bitch! heehee… so tomorrow Bob and I are going to look at a possible wedding and reception site and then that evening, we’re going to a friend of mine’s divorce party. Interesting combination for the day. I think it’s a swell idea however. She hawked the rings and is spending the money from them on food and booze. I definitely will have to have me one of those when the time comes :-) just kidding! (well, hopefully) btw, just found out that my friend Mortie and his “girlfriend” are expecting a baby in January. Um… we all have thought him gay for sometime now and were waiting for him to finally come out of the closet and embrace his homosexuality, but doesnt look like that’s gonna happen now. Oh well… I still bet he puts up a Judy Garland poster over the crib. Who knows, maybe he’s right, he really is a metrosexual, mistakened for a homosexual. Seattle is filled with metrosexuals and I fear i’m turning my macho man, Bob, into a semi one. I started doing exfoliation on him and I bought that home microdermabrasion kit and do him 3 times a week with that and do facial masks and moisturizers, etc… now he loves it! and looks forward to it. Oh dear… next thing I know he’ll be going to get mani/pedi’s with me. So long as he doesnt start shaving or waxing his chest, I dont get that, what’s the thing about being hairless? I belong back in the 70’s, when a man with a big ol’ bushy, hairy chest was considered sexy. Ahhhhhh yeahhhhh….. this smooth shit just dont work for me. Oh and over 4th of July weekend I shot a gun for the first time, a 38 special. Bob’s dad is trying to convince me to buy a gun and keep it in a fanny pack around my waist. I kid not. Oy! apparently i’ve endeared myself to him cause of my big boobs. Okay, I guess i’ve rambled on long enough here, peace out y’ all!
Congrats CB!! You become more interesting with every Loafe comment post!!
CB firing a handgun?? How red-state-ish.
Tell me more about these big boobs you speak of…
Um well…. Jonathan, there’s two of them and uhhhhh…. they both have nipples and can be used as lethal weapons if necessary :-) hope that covers it for you. Now that i’ve started shooting guns, think i’ll take up chewin tobacco, that’s always sexy on a girl. Especially the spitting out part. Will bring my spit bucket with me everywhere I go, including down the aisle. Yeah, I like that idea. Yee Haw!!!
Make a little tin cup that fits under your chin, so as cancer and infctions destroy tour nerves lips and facial tissue, it can catch the tasty brown drool that pours ceasely from your festering brown gob!!
do you always talk so sexy to girls, DG? mmmmm…. festering, brown gob. Think that goes with pink?
I AM SORRY cb, i WAS JUST GETTING INTO THE swing of that string of humour.
Dont forget that I am really very happy for you and love you…JUST KIDDING!!!!!
About the festering gob part. Are you still on wellbutrin?
man, dg, that whole string of comments, from the wildly clinical depiction of rotting cancerous facial sores, to the awesome “very happy for you – JUST KIDDING!” and capping it off with the complete non sequitir “are you still on wellbutrin”… I just don’t know what to say. A fantastic trifecta of comments. It may never be topped.
Um, it may be time for me to reschedule with my psychiatrist and have my medication altered!
And once again CB I do not intend to cause you to be victim of ludicrous humour, but you are the catalyst for me attaining the pinacle of such a savage art.
All hail the beautiful and talented and interesting CB!!!!!
All hail the enigmatic and deep CJM and her hermoso bebe Ryland!!!!
Are you kidding Jonathan ?? .. you are arent you!!!??
Cant everybody just get along? (insert single tear here) and so help me, if I ever start caring what others think of me, especially on this thing, c’ mon! my friends dont call me The Divine Miss C for nothing. I like humour, in ALL forms! so it’s cool. As for Welbutrin, yes, i’m still on that. Why? looking to switch meds? prozac is SO old school, i’d highly reccomend it, DG. Although I think perhaps you have a bit of the multiple personality, to which there is no simple pill cure, just many years of intense therapy, i’d reccomend going and renting Sybil, DG and go from there. May God and the psychiatric world be with you…
Thank you CB your kind words may save me yet from the shackles of mental illness.
Well I am off to my 6pm AA meeting, with my extended family of alcoholic wackos!!!
And I am kidding about changing meds….10mg of Lexapro is actually doing a good job…
Its just my sense of humor that needs better direction.. Once again take care.. Your the best!!!
My psychiatrist, upon my description of my childhood, said the same thing…many years of intense therapy.. and unfortunately that is not a joke.
Someone at my work took a shit in the urinal. I don’t get it.
a) Someone is pissed off at the cleaning crew
OR
b) a foriegn businessman has never used a western toilet before and thought the urinals were for made for ca-ca.
Was the shit in the shape of a heart? maybe you have a secret admirer, Morgan. Hey DG, my nurse prac. tryed to talk me into going on Lexapro, when I went in to see her last week, but I opted to stay on my Effexor/Welbutrin cocktail for now. So you’re a recovering alcoholic, eh? I always liked alcoholics, myself, good people. My ex IS an alcoholic, not a recovering one, i’m afraid, so good for you for going to AA (or were you joking there and I missed it?) I havent had my 24 ouncer Rock Star yet today, so my brain is not fully operational. Okay, i’m off to greener pastures, atleast greener than that of the public library.
When I used to work in Miami 15 years ago, upon relieving myself in the office toilette there where tennis shoe marks on the toilet.We looked in the ceiling to see if someone was stashing something up there.It came to me one day that the warehouse crew are mostly islanders, and some of them seemed quite “primitive”.
I imagined that they had never used toilets for most of their lives ,so they have to squat to feel comfortable to shit, because they had been squatting on dirt and forest floors!!!!!!!!
http://www.cromwell-intl.com/toilet/pictures/signage-arabic.jpg
http://www.choshinet.or.jp/~d2790iye/Toilet.html
Morgan:NO SHIT, I did not know that. Though I love sushi theres another reason not to go to Japan!!
The other reason is that Im agoraphic and Japan is to far!
CB- Ive admitted to being an alcoholic on this site ad naseum!!
today is um…. 1070 days. I go to AA 3 to 7 times a week. Ive been going for 2.75 years. God got me to stop but AA keeps me sober. Ive got a billion stories i could tell.
AA is great in our town, This is a nice upper class community. You should see the young twentysomethings, most from nice well to do homes, and they are so CUTE. Most coming off herion and such. Getting sober ‘n all. We have a beautiful multimillion dollar facility called Serenity House. It is becoming the best time in my entire life.
http://www.serenityhouseoflibertyville.com/directio.htm
I went to my sister’s new son’s baptism this weekend. During the ritual my brother made a funny as follows: I sat next to mother, Dan my brother sat behind and to the far right of me in the pews. He sat next to Mat, his son and my nephew.
The priest went through the various segments of the baptismal ritual, he announced to the parents of the babies that they needed to loosen the clothing around the chest so “he could get in thereâ€.
(To annoint their chests) I,knowing Dan’s twisted mind,turned my head to see Dan whispering in Mats ear and Mat displaying a huge grin and stifling a belly laugh. Later I asked Mat what the Joke was. Mat said “ Dan said this is the time most parents should be running from the priest†I almost died.
I saw a story in Money Magazine about a NJ town ranking 1st as a good place to live.
I looked a little deeper and saw that my home town ranked 4th in the midwest region under 100,000
population: 4 Libertyville, IL 22,147 23% $79,360 $350,000 (rank,town,pop.income,home value)