Burning my sorrows
I started a new tradition with Nick last night (Ry was invited but had no interest whatsoever), inspired by my dear friend CL.
We started first by writing our sorrows from 2019 on to little pieces of paper. Whatever ideas, experiences, feelings, thoughts, regrets that made us sad or kept us down… whatever sorrows we wished to release. We didn’t share them with each other. They’re our sorrows alone to hold and then to let go.
Once we did that, we burned each one in a little bowl, turning them into sweet-smelling ash. We also wrote a few sorrows on some tissue paper, lit those on fire and then released them into the air. They burn quickly as they float away and feels so satisfying.
Then we did the countdown to 2020 and cheered and hugged.
Next, on more little pieces of paper, we wrote our wishes and hopes for what we want in 2020. Not resolutions or goals exactly. Smaller, simpler, just the positive things we want to bring into our lives, our hearts, this coming year. Then we tucked these small seeds into tiny little jars (with cute little corks) and placed them next to a tea light. We both kissed the candle and put a peace and prosperity blessing on it. Then we lit it and let it burn throughout the night next to our little jars, to fill the air around us while we slept, letting our futures dance with our dreams.
In a year, on New Year’s Eve 2020, we will open our jars and read what we wrote, contemplating those little seeds, which ones took root and which ones never really flourished. We can burn them with our sorrows next year and start again.
I love this new tradition. I explained to Nick that to welcome in new and better things for ourselves in 2020, we have to clear some space and make room for it by letting go of the old stuff that we don’t need. And that this ritual can help us do that.
He was very receptive to it all and we both enjoyed it immensely. It was so nice. Disappointed Ry didn’t want to join us but he’s a 15YO boy and too cool for school. BUT I STILL HAVE A CHANCE WITH NICK. He is my last hope.
I’m not making any new year’s resolutions but it is definitely a goal of mine to try to be more spiritual, to do the hard work required to gain a more enlightened existence. It sounds hokey and eye rolling, I know, but I want it all the same. Being spiritual doesn’t mean being a Christian. I don’t have to go to church, pray to some all-knowing (male) god, ask for forgiveness for my sins. But there is something to be said for rituals, for breathing deeper, slowing down, quieting the noise. Everything always feels so heavy, and I’m convinced that if I open myself up to the universe a little more, really and truly put in the effort, things will feel lighter and my daily life will not be such a constant struggle.
I’m willing to try, at least, and just knowing this already makes me feel better.