my apologies to victims of inoperable brain cancer and their families.

I am almost 100% sure I have inoperable brain cancer (IBC).

Because things have been weird for me lately. Here is how:

-I am seeing things that aren’t there. Not in overt ways. I am not sitting here seeing dancing bears at my feet, for example. Or horses galloping next to me in the car. But I am seeing things that aren’t there, in shadows, in vague shapes, in specks of dust.

-My head hurts for a few minutes, severely, and then it goes away.

-I’ve been peeing a lot.

-Last night while having marital relations with my partner, I thought “tonight, he’s using his chicago cock.” What does that even mean? But it was a clear, distinct thought it my head and made perfect sense, except that it didn’t make sense at all.

-I have a strange itching sensation between my shoulder blades.

-I keep getting dizzy.

-I am tired all the time.

After consulting numerous sources (read: none), I learned that these are all the symptoms of IBC.

It was really great knowing you all, and I hope that Obama gets elected.

Hey speaking of the election, here is a web site that I just wasted the past 20 mins of work time reading. It’s women against sarah palin.

Also, I urge you all to go to the daily show’s website and watch the episodes about the McCain and Palin speeches. They are more forthright and revealing and hilarious than anything you will see on regular TV. Actually, all of the daily show episodes are great to watch; those are especially relevant given this so called convention bump of McCain’s.

I expressed to my good friend marianne recently about my distress over the election and did she think obama would win and what would we do if he didn’t. Here is what she said, and it made me feel immeasurably better. She’s smart.

No, I don’t think they will win. You need to remember that this went on during the primaries as well, lots of hand wringing by Obama fans, saying he isn’t fighting back enough, he isn’t doing this, he isn’t doing that AND HILLARY IS GAINING IN THE POLLS OMG!!! At each and every turn he and his campaign have made the right call. They started fighting back at exactly the right time and in exactly the right way. So no fear! Keep the faith, he will win. It is NOT going to be a landslide that people keep on seeming to express that he needs to have in order to be legitimate (which makes me mad as a hatter, let me tell you). There is far too much racial tension in this country for him to win that big. But he will win, make no mistake. People just need to stop acting as if in order for him to REALLY win he has to win by at least ten points, or whatever other arbitrary number the stupid talking heads put on it. It’s bullshit. He will probably win by a hefty majority of electoral college votes, but by only a five percent or so margin in the popular vote (which is all the poll numbers measure, keep in mind, they don’t measure electoral college votes, but you can bet your ass that Obama’s campaign is looking at the electoral college far more than the popular vote polls). That’s how it works. We are a divided nation and he isn’t Jesus Christ, he can’t pull the whole country together, although if he gets elected I feel pretty sure he will be able to get at least some stuff done.

And if McCain does win, I will join you in a lesbian commune located somewhere in Canada.

thanks M.

Also: I am so in love with Rachel Maddow it’s sick.

• ← hickeys. i mean . . . uh . . .
• well, shoot. →