Troy.

The greatest movie in the history of the entire universe comes out today, the movie starring my two boyfriends Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom, running around being all manly and tragic.

Throw Thom Yorke in there and you’ve got yourself a tidy little formula for turning miss cjm into a swooning puddle of goo.

and all this time I thought I was your boyfriend...

You like Orlando Bloom? I don't think he's cute at all! You know who he looks like? He looks like my brother! I am not the only person who thinks so. Maybe I could hook you up with Donnie. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha!

I am not sure if I love Orlando Bloom, but I do know I love Legolas, and he was played by Orlando Bloom (in the Lord of the Rings movie).

And Donnie only thinks I'm cute in the dark.

So clearly, that won't work.

hmmm. Sal. An old friend @ guess.com

Hmm.

I guess that you are: Thom Yorke??

I have seen this Troy movie. It was long and I don't believe it was true.

I am not a racist man or a racist person but as I watched this movie I thought often to myself and said often to my friend that ten or twelve samurai could have defeated the Greek and Trojan army.

I thought it was unbelievable because if Agamemnon really really wanted to beat Troy, he would have sent a letter to Japan and hired ten or twelve samurai. That is why I think this movie is not true. Samurai can also climb walls.

It is lucky for you Greeks and Trojans that Japanese people did not sail into your towns because if they did, you would not be speaking Greek. You would be speaking Japanese! Ha ha ha. That was a joke because I like Greek people and I often eat gyros for lunchtime meal.

Achilles may have been nice with a sword but samurai are nicer.

I dated a guy named Achilles once. He's greek. He's also gay. In fact, he left me for a man. Such is the story of my life. I'm waiting for Morgan to suddenly take a liking to Judy Garland records and choreography.

But, back to Achilles, he was HOT! He still is, in fact. God damnit. In fact, I think his boyfriend is Japanese! How's that for irony?!?!?!?!?!

I will never take a liking to anything that begins with the word 'chore'.

This post was you joking, right?

Yes, I think Greeks should have Japanese boyfriends. Tiffany is like me. I know a Greek named Gus. I often ask for more tzatziki sauce and he gives me more than I had originally wanted!

Damn Greeks! You and your seductive tzatziki sauce. Damn you straight to hell!

i am afraid of gyros and that nasty sauce. the smell is very umm, strong.

I do not joke when it comes to Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom and Thom Yorke being my boyfriends and giving me money and babies.